Our society has many embedded values and rules, one being how we view quitting. It’s often seen as a loss, failure, or misstep. Sometimes it’s viewed as a necessary response to difficult circumstances. Rarely, it’s recognized as a positive choice, a rite of passage, or an inevitable part of emotional and psychological growth.
Handling moments when children want to disengage or call it quits can be challenging. To navigate this, it helps to understand:
- the influence of our upbringing
- our parenting style
- our children’s evolving nature
- our own tendencies to persevere or quit
I spoke with three young moms to broaden my perspective, and their insights reflect several key ideas.
Be clear in your intention
Determine what kind of parent you want to be and what your goals are for your children. Knowing your “why” grounds your parenting decisions and actions daily.
Understand your parenting style
Reflect on whether your role is about maintaining order, encouraging discovery, ensuring safety, developing skills, or avoiding conflict. Recognizing your style clarifies your priorities and helps you stay aligned with your values, even in tricky situations.
Be curious and dig deep
When your child says, “I don’t want to do this anymore,” try to understand their experience. Notice your reaction—do you tend to avoid, fix, minimize, or catastrophize? Pause, breathe, and focus on what’s triggering your child’s resistance.
One parent shared how understanding her child’s fears helped find a way forward, highlighting the importance of addressing underlying issues rather than just the behavior.
Be creative
Use creative problem-solving rather than feeling stumped. Explore alternative options, such as different activities, additional support, or taking breaks. Sometimes, a simple pause can reveal that a bad day isn’t about the activity itself.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Evaluate whether the struggle is worth it. Sometimes a child’s autonomy is more important than the activity. Other times, perseverance offers valuable lessons. Reflect on the situation and the bigger picture before reacting.
Carry your learning forward
When things don’t go as planned, accept the difficulty and view it as a learning opportunity. Consider how you might approach similar situations differently next time, using these lessons to grow.
Celebrate small victories
Acknowledge when things go well—when you and your child communicate effectively and find a good path. Celebrating these wins reinforces positive behavior and fosters connection.
You are a role model
Remember that your handling of challenges influences your children. Demonstrating persistence, taking breaks, or recognizing when to stop teaches them healthy coping strategies. Your conscious efforts to understand and collaborate serve as lasting examples of positive behaviour.
By Carole Ames