As you walk the tightrope between family life and the world beyond it, you may wonder, can you really have it all?
The family circus
Today’s parents are juggling an increasing number of balls, including
- living expenses
- accessing reliable childcare (or lack thereof)
- managing the stress of careers and family
- staying present for children’s schooling and other needs when working remotely from home
- meeting increasing pressure from schools and society about their children’s achievements and success
This puts a lot of strain on parents. But you can escape the circus. And it’s not so-called “work-life balance.”
Focus on integration, not balance
While most self-help guides talk about balance, it’s really about integration: thinking long term and setting up healthy expectations that allow you to meet the day’s demands.
In a word? Flexibility—sometimes on a weekly, daily, or even hourly basis, rather than expecting equal splits between parenting and life outside the home.
“Parenting in today’s world means having to be adaptable, since things change constantly,” says therapist Kalley Hartman, LMFT. “Be prepared to alter plans or schedules to manage competing demands harmoniously. This requires patience and understanding, from both parents and children.”
4 tips for integrating life and family
1. Create structure
“Establishing routines within the family creates predictability and security, while allowing everyone to get what they need,” says Hartman. “Consider the different roles you play in your children’s lives so you can prioritize tasks and responsibilities.”
For example, every Tuesday night could be takeout night from your favorite spot, so every family member can take alone time to do what they want (or need).
2. Know your priorities
“Be realistic with your expectations and recognize that you can’t do everything,” says Hong. “Prioritize what can wait and what is most important to you.”
3. Learn to say no
Saying no allows you to say yes to what matters.
This includes saying no to work projects outside of your role, social events, and even some requests from your family. “De-emphasize needing to solve everyday challenges; often there is no perfect solution to toddler tantrums and teenage worries,” says Dr. Erika Bocknek, family therapist and mother of three.
“Instead, invest in opportunities for connection—family rituals, for example—that include shared interests that help families generate emotional residue that sticks with parents and kids beyond the moment itself.”
4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
When you need support, reach out. This might include friends, family, or support groups.
You are enough
“The stress and pressure on parents are enormous and come from many directions, including even within ourselves,” says pediatric psychologist Angelique Snyder. “Almost every parent I know asks themselves, ‘Am I doing enough?’”
Don’t try to do it all. Instead, do what matters. “Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the love you show your children,” says Snyder.
By Joshua Duvauchelle
