It’s one thing to be madly in love, but it’s quite another when love brings on “madness.” It turns out that love in different forms can have real and varying effects on the brain.
How does love affect our brains?
There are different types of romantic love, including the kind that can happen in early stages of a relationship when it’s hard to concentrate on anything else but that new person. That fiery, intense feeling of attraction triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin—hormones and neurotransmitters that produce feelings of pleasure and reward.
Healthy romantic relationships can provide resilience
The elements that make for a healthy romantic relationship—feeling valued and supported, a strong sense of connection, and even being lovingly challenged at times—can contribute to one’s self-confidence, self-esteem, joyfulness, and sense of resilience for facing life’s inevitable challenges.
Unhealthy relationships contribute to negative health consequences
Unhealthy relationships, which may involve, among other negative features, miscommunication; arguments; emotional, physical, or sexual abuse; or infidelity, could trigger beliefs such as “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not good enough,” which can lead to anxiety, panic attacks, depressive episodes, or post-traumatic symptomatology.
In what scientists refer to as “polyvagal theory,” which asserts that feelings of safety emerge from “internal physiological states regulated by the autonomic nervous system,” these negative relationship situations can trigger neural responses such as fight/flight/freeze/fawn or shut-down responses.
We know the meanings of “fight” or “flight,” but “freeze,” in this context, refers to our bodies’ inability to move against a perceived threat, while “fawn” refers to a stress response that seeks to appease someone in response to danger. The prolonged effects of negative relationships can lead to very negative mental and physical effects.
How to strengthen romantic bonds
Romantic relationships are kept strong when both partners are able to share their thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams with their partner while simultaneously feeling loved, cared for, and emotionally secure.
For many couples to get to this point, one or both partners may have to do their inner work to heal past traumas and betrayals of intimacy through some form of evidence-based psychological intervention.
The following suggestions may help encourage a healthy relationship:
• Regularly amplify to your partner the big and small ways in which we like and appreciate them.
• Engage in thoughtful and effective communication in which partners use “I feel” statements to share their upset, rather than accusatory language.
• Take care of your own mental health so you can actually show up for your partner—and vice versa.
• Stop striving for an idealized or perfect romantic relationship; allow it instead to have its natural ups and downs, which helps make space for it to grow rather than being stifled by unrealistic expectations.
by Joanne Peters