Years ago, I observed that life should come with an owner’s manual, and that I didn’t get mine! It felt as if I was dropped into a game and was supposed to figure it out on my own.
Eventually, I discovered that I was not alone in my dilemma. Most of us piece together an idea of how we should live our lives. We can end up wondering if we missed something―surely if we’re doing life correctly, we will feel happy and fulfilled!
This is an inherent dilemma of life. Depending on what you’re trying to achieve, and how you go about it, you may not always enjoy life. Fortunately, there are ways to create your own manual for living to support a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Destination
Critical to your manual for living is knowing your preferred destination. Perhaps you want to be:
- happy
- financially secure
- successful
- influential
Once you identify this, reflect on what it means:
- How will I know when I arrive?
- How will I feel when I arrive?
- What will be the impact of my arrival?
This may reveal a deeper motivation. For example, perhaps being influential is appealing because you imagine the ability to have a “positive impact” in the world. Thus, your ultimate destination is a positive impact, and alternative paths may be possible.
Divided focus
The desire for more than one destination may pose a challenge. Maybe you want a rewarding career, and adventure, and a big happy family! You then find yourself being called to:
- juggle
- prioritize
- accept less than optimal, or
- give up something
Recognize when you have potentially competing (versus complementary) desires. Then it’s time for a reality check:
- What means the most?
- What can be postponed or abandoned?
- What’s missing?
Malfunctioning GPS
What if I know what I want, yet I seem to be traveling in the wrong direction? Consider what may be out of alignment:
- Is your desired destination unclear?
- Are you distracted with other possibilities?
- Are you silently waiting for roadside assistance?
- Did you reach your destination, yet feel disappointed?
Once you see where the malfunction is, consider a course correction, or even plotting a new trip!
Rules of the road
Any owner’s manual includes guidelines and troubleshooting ideas. Without them we can get derailed or lost. Consider these rules:
- Boundaries: know what you prefer and how to support what is important to you.
- Agency: own your life, and use discernment to filter feedback from others.
- Permission to adjust: when something isn’t working, do something different.
- The journey: recognize that the process of moving toward a destination is your life.
Your bespoke manual for living
These are elements to consider when rethinking what success means to you and how to make choices that fit. And remember to have a sense of humor―everything is lighter and richer with a cosmic perspective; we feel more connected, and more options surface.
By Carole Ames
